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Love Bank: Depositing and Withdrawing From My Child’s Savings

This morning, I really had a hard time giving Yesha a bath. She wanted to bring her book in the shower area.

And so I just placed it to where she can see it. But no, she wasn’t satisfied, she wanted to shower with her Blue’s Clues book. As she reached it, I pulled the book from her and immediately drop it on our bedroom floor. And then that was how my ordeal began.

When she knew that she can’t have her way, she started wailing as she forced her way out of my hands to the bedroom  She was furious and I’m starting to get impatient too.

But then like a thunderbolt, a memory of how my mom could ever stood us flashed in my mind. I paused and thought out loud, “Oh… so this is what it’s like to be a parent.”

As I resumed with what I’m doing, she also continued with her business, crying loudly and forcing her way out of the shower area. More moments of this scene, and I was nearing the end of my rope already. And no matter how I explained or coaxed her, it’s either she didn’t listen or she didn’t understand.

So I decided to ignore her, completely, til I get our regimen done. So there she was, angry and wailing as she stomped her feet while I keep a blank face in front of her. And at that moment, it was like I’m withdrawing from her love bank. Nobody wants to be ignored like that.

But I’m no supermom, and my patience isn’t unlimited as the sky. And I know there will be several moments like this, from crossing the terrible two to passing the adolescent stage.

There will be more instances where I’ll get to withdraw from her love bank. I might ignore her acting out/tantrums again, I might shout at her when she grows up as a teenager or I might unknowingly hurt her feelings, who knows.

No matter how I gobble up parenting articles and try to be the best mom for her , I know I can’t be a perfect one. I will sometimes lose to my emotions and weaknesses. It matters, but what’s more important is I get to deposit a lot in her love bank. Appreciating her, listening to her and showing affection to her. Doing things that will make her feel loved.

So as a parent the best thing that I can do is to deliberately make an effort to deposit as much and as often as I can and to withdraw as little and as rarely as I can. With that, my withdrawals will look negligible and won’t effect much the emotional reserve in her bank.

So after few more minutes, there was Yesha, done with her tantrum, raising both her arms, wanting me to carry her. And so I cupped her in my arms to bed with her fresh nappy and clothes.We’re friends again. I read to her the book that she wanted to shower with a while ago. Then she breastfed until she finally fell asleep.

 

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Share your thoughts. Share your deposits and withdrawals from your child’s love bank.

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17 Comments

  1. Oh my. Terrible two’s also. I do understand the feeling between being a good mom and sometimes snapping out on your daughter. It’s really hard especially when they’re all over wailing and doesn’t seem to listen to what you’re saying. But at the end of the day, the smile, the hug and the kiss is totally priceless that eases your woes away.

    • it is difficult right, one moment you are an angel mom and then at an instant you become a monster mom. Maybe it’s a part of being a mom. I just want to be careful not to hit her emotionally.

  2. I do the same with Jacob! Only sometimes, my patience run out so fast, I do get angry for a couple of seconds. Then reality sets in that I’m dealing with a 19-month old baby here, who doesn’t know reasoning yet and here I am about to lose my mind. So yes, I do withdraw myself from the situation, take out my emotions and mind from the scene and just go about what I need to do whether it is to change his diaper while he madly kicks me away, or when taking baths.

    You just have to!

    • hehehe… my daughter kicks me too when I try to slip her on her diaper. Yeah, like you, I just go on with what I have to do and ignore her screams =)

  3. I can totally empathize. Kids will really test our patience. This is one of my new year’s resolutions, to be more, more, and more patient.

    • Naku sis, they say be careful when you pray for patience. Most probably you will be tried more. =D

    • LOL.. in that case, it would not be that difficult anymore because for sure you’ve already acquired a little patience. … hopefully ^_^

  4. Oh Nova, I can totally relate. My daughter just turned 4 and although she’s no longer in the terrible two’s stage, I feel that she’s more outspoken now and assertive. Because she can already verbalize her tantrums, it’s more difficult to pacify her. She tries my patience more now, para kong may teenager na hahaha…but yes, I told myself I need to be more patient and to set a good example for her.

    • Oh my, outspoken and assertive. Feels like my baby belongs to that temperament, hehehe. Baka strong ang mga personalities. Good luck to us mommy apple =)

  5. Hugs! I love how you used the concept of a love bank :) It’s true, no matter how we read up on parenting or how many friends extend their advice, parenting will always be subjective. And there’ll be times talagang aabot ka sa dulo ng pisi mo lalo pag di pa sila nakakaintindi ng reasoning (mine is only 9 months old, but she’s definitely showing some real tough, stubborn character na). Best we can do is to express how much we love our kids whenever we can and make them feel and understand that no matter how ugly things can go, they will always be loved.

    • true sis, our approval of them will always depend on their behaviors, so when we lose our patience, we either scold or spank them (which will depend on the parents). But our love, will always be unconditional =) I encountered the concept of love bank from somewhere, article/talk/book, forgot where, hehe.

  6. Hi Nova! I withdraw alot from my son’s love bank when we work on his assignments. It’s one thing that I always pray to God to give me more patience for. Especially for math, which we usually take 1 1/2 hours to finish. I think I deposit naman when I fix his baon and make extra efforts to make his lunch more appealing to him. Also Henry loves stories so we read together and I love that time that we spend just reading.

    • It makes me wonder, what it will be like when our home schooling start. I don’t know if I will make a patient teacher either. =)
      Hope you’d get what you’re praying for, or baka lalo kang i-test to exercise your patience =) So long as malaki account balance nila, they’ll be emotionally fine =)

  7. aww. I used to be so impatient with my three-year-old few days back but one night as he was sleeping, I was stabbed by my realization that I’m expecting him to act more mature than his age that I sometimes take away his time to explore and be messy.

    yes, this is a test of patience to us mommies.

    • hi camille, yes I think we’re all guilty of that. I think exploration and being messy are part of the way they learn about the world around them. Kaya we should have more patience in clearing their clutters and increase our mess tolerance =)

  8. I love this concept of love bank, Nova. We have 2 kids now, a 9-year old boy and an 11-month old girl. And I admit, we run out of patience, too, and withdraw tons from our love “ATM”, lol. But then, we also deposit into our love investment as much and as often as we could… You are very much correct, aim to deposit more often and as much as possible while aiming to withdraw as little and as rarely as we can. I think that’s how parenting really is, we just make it work! ;)

    • Hi Mina, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Glad you love the concept of love bank too, I think I heard that concept from a talk I attended. Anyways, yeah, more patience to us parents! :)

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